Hats For Noman

Please don't wear that hat today she said, the green one you said was an Aussie hat not a cowboy hat. I hate that hat she said. It makes you look like you're trying to be a cowboy and you're not. You don't even have cowboy boots and you hardly ever wear levis. Well, I said, I'm not from Down Under either and wouldn't know a didgeridoo from a walking stick and my boots are better suited for walking about than rodeo or line dancing -- no pointed toes, high heels or spurs.

But I was born on the high plains and my daddy looked like the man in some old Marlboro ad (a cigarette for dudes with string ties and hats not stained by manure dust, sweat salt, or rain) but he smoked Camel nonfilters three packs a day may he rest in peace. Shall I wear my straw hat? No, makes you look Amish. Well, said I, Amish are widely known to be among the happiest of demographic groups in America, (quite, I'm thinking, unlike the gender confused who much too often get maimed or killed in the world of the gender certain), the simplicity of their lives most satisfying. You're not Amish (and that ended that).

Why not the tweed cap, she suggested. You used to look so preppy with your pipe (you almost went to Yale) or your baseball cap. Well, I gave up the burl and ivy years ago, and baseball's not my game. I'd wear on my head only the cover the Good Lord gaveth if he (that funny guy!) hadn't also taken away. A not vain head, not caring about what keeps off too much sun or rain; I don't wear them to show off, or please any one else (except that one who is most dear). Hats are a bother. Like pets, they demand care and cleaning.The wind snatches them away to make you foolishly scamper and chase them across the lawn or muddy parking lot. They get left behind in restaurants or taxis. They tell people something beyond what you're really only trying to say, which is I'd like to keep my head warm (or cool or dry) today.

I liked him, that bald Odysseus. He was Noman, ingenious, where I am ingenuous, resourceful where I am ineffectual, blinding the one-eyed man-eating giant, in disguise to bend the bow and slay rude suitors eating up his estate and wife's patience. He could travel far and cope with all; beautiful sirens, witches, and bad luck, but always knew which way home and where he belonged, centered in life, in self.