I Remember...

       I remember the latter part of 1993 as if it were yesterday...I had just begun the journey of my life..I had just come out as being a lesbian..Everything had been going better then I had suspected it would.. My friends and family supported me and loved me no matter what I was.

I remember it so clearly..Sitting alone on my bed...my 14th birthday had just past..I was ok with having made my decision... when I decided to turn on the t.v.... It hit me like a tidal wave..3 MURDERED IN NEBRASKA..I looked up to see what had happened and I saw a picture of the most handsome man..(be Brandon man or woman) I was lost in the beauty..I realized without the news reporter saying what had happened..I knew why such a beautiful person had been murdered..Simply because he was different..

My heart sunk to the depths of my body and though I was and still am butch I slid off my bed onto my knees in tears..How could something so special be taken from this earth I thought..How could anyone want to hurt someone just because they were different??? I followed the story as best I could from my small hometown..I then realized..I lived in a small town where people were ignorant and afraid of anyone or anything that was different.. The same type of town Brandon was from.

I lived my life the best I knew how and I have heard the threats.." You will go to hell" " You are evil".."All FAGGOTS SHOULD BE KILLED!!" and even some on a more personal level.."I'll kill you dyke" Though I know I may someday die for choosing to be proud of who I am, I know sometimes people like us have to..So that hopefully many others will live..

I am 20 years old now and 6 years later I still think of Brandon and cry myself to sleep.. I still follow the news..the books..the movies..Not because it was just something that happened..but because this was and always will be something very important to me..This story touched my heart and made me realize why I exist.. Not to love..Not to hate..Not to cry or hurt or do nothing..but to teach and hopefully learn..

Brandon was the first headline about the g/l/b/t community I had ever heard about.. I will always think about this person I never met and always cry when someone reminds me of the loss..But I have learned.. we must teach our family's..our friends..and anyone else..We must rid ourselves of this hatred and ignorance..

Brandon will always be in my heart and thoughts..I could never rid myself or that.. And I wouldnt want to..Brandon's story taught me to feel..and to realize what my life is about and to come to terms with the possibilty that my life may also end in the same way..I have thought about it for many years but I always knew..I accept this..I have to..

Brandon never had the choice...